What if there were women’s cleanliness products that were marketed the way Old Spice stuff is? Like they had names like “Lioness” and “Sycamore” and “Wildfire” and “Hunter’s Moon” and they were touted as making you smell like a warrior queen who does not suffer fools and conquers all she beholds
HELLO LADIES
have you felt the primal call of the unmerciful sea calling you to strike down those who would defy you? no? well if you stopped using overpriced flower-scented body wash and switched to SEA HAG, you might.
look down.
back up. where are you? you’re a siren, bare-breasted and shrieking as you lure the unwary to their doom on the rocks below. and you smell amazing.
what’s in your hand? back at me. it’s a vial of skin-nourishing ingredients, derived from the seaweed you used to strangle a hated foe. it does wonders for your skin tone and resilience, and we all can agree that we will need that resilience in the coming war.
look again: the seaweed is now a formal apology from the last man who unnecessarily tried to explain something to you.
anything is possible when you smell like a vengeful sea witch and embrace your own rage. i’m on a narwhal.
Tag: YES
Kara is in a bathroom stall trying to finish a particularly long rambling text when the two walk in. She doesn’t pay them much mind at first, but her ears perk up just a bit when she hears one of them say supergirl in a heavily accented, heavily vitriolic whisper.
She floats her legs up so they can’t be seen under the door.
“I know it is uncomfortable,” the other one is saying as the water turns on, “but it is the price we pay. With them here at least we know we’re safe.”
The first one laughs a throaty, obviously alien laugh, and says, “tell that to those who died in the attack. You know that would never have happened if they were not around.”
“Look, there’s nothing we can do. They’re friends with the owner. Besides, all my interactions with them have been pleasant.”
“My brother is still missing, you know that? Those pigs took him from our home four years ago without any warning and he’s still gone. No word if he is even alive. But now that they’ve got their little human looking poster child suddenly it’s okay to be extraterrestrial, it’s okay for them to come into our space and act like they are not our oppressors. Like they have not stolen our children away time and again. It sickens me.”
“I have heard of another place opening soon. less legitimate but a strict no human policy.”
The other one grunts, shutting the sink off. Kara can hear the sound of paper towels being used.
“And none of their little alien pets, either.”
The other laughs – a shrill groan that makes Kara’s insides feel like mush – and agrees.
“Of course. No supergirl.”
Kara waits nearly fifteen minutes after they leave to let her feet touch the ground again.
She walks slowly back to the table where her friends sit drunkenly arguing over a story from a few weeks ago. She sees Alex with her arm slung casually around Maggie, sees the hint of her sidearm under her jacket. Winn is loudly refuting James claim while munching away at the only bar food edible for humans. Kara lets her eyes wander over the rest of the bar and it feels like she’s really seeing it for the first time.
She sees how the other patrons huddle on the walls with at least two tables between them and her friends. She sees The tells of agitation, the side eye glare that flashes towards Winn when his excited yell results in spewed food crumbs all over the group. Everyone yells back, jumping up to try and escape his spray. Kara hears the grumbled mumblings of a large bug-like humanoid who tosses its money on the table and skitters out in a huff.
She’s brought back by a soft hand on her shoulder. Alex is giving her a concerned look.
“Hey,” Alex says quietly, “you okay?”
It feels like the walls are creeping in on her and her ears are ringing.
“No. I’m not.”
Kara starts the next morning.
She doesn’t actually wait until the sun has risen. She talked with Alex for an hour and formulated a plan. Alex isn’t entirely on board–yet–but she’s willing to give it a shot. And that’s a good enough place for Kara.
She has Vazquez teach her the last bits of the system she didn’t know and is halfway through the records before J’onn and Winn even get into work.
J’onn examines her work and just sighs. She glares. “You knew this was coming.“
“I did.”
“Times have changed, J’onn. We can’t do what we used to. We can do better. It’s time. It was time months ago, years ago. We can’t put this off.”
“I suppose you’re right.”
And they begin.
Kara speaks to everyone personally. They can’t put every alien through their rehabilitation program. But they have a relocation program for those who want it, and they move all but the most dangerous into better accommodations. Bigger, with more light. A comfortable bed and a stack of books and a window–reinforced bulletproof glass, but still.
About half their prisoners are released within six months. There are some that have been locked up for a while, for no particular reason. Many had minor misdemeanors. Lots just didn’t know how to deal with their abilities on earth, and weren’t given the same loving care Kara first had. Kara–and J’onn and Alex–work with them on controlling their abilities. And they’re let free, with only a little bit of oversight. Not parole, not a supervisor, just a sort of… someone looking out for them. Someone in their corner. A lot of DEO agents volunteer for the new mentorship program.
And slowly, so slowly, the DEO isn’t a prison. For the most part. They still have the most dangerous alien criminals locked up. The rehab program isn’t for everyone. Some aliens are just bad, the same way some people are just bad. Kara chats with Psi weekly. She flies to the old bunker and all their other facilities to help out with the program.
Some aliens are harder to rehabilitate than others. Some can’t speak English. Some are completely out of control with their powers. Some have been locked up in a fish tank in the dark since the real Hank Henshaw and now are so mad at the DEO they’d be a threat to public safety if they were let out. But Kara won’t give up. And pretty soon, there are a lot more people working on solutions with her.
Kara writes a hundred stories on the aliens now out in public. Lena works on tech to help suppress the powers of those who ask for help with it. Alex teaches them how to defend themselves without taking out a city block. Winn gets them ID’s and starts a weekend class so they can learn computer skills. James and Sam work to find them all jobs until they find something they want a career in.
J’onn’s still nervous about some of them. Kara finally rolls her eyes and fixes him with a stare. “Do you really think that I can’t track down anyone if I need to? Give them a chance, J’onn, the world is changing and they deserve a chance. We got one.”
J’onn finally wraps an arm around her. “I know you’re right. I trust you. Change can be hard, but you’re right, it’s worth it.”
And if one day, Kara hears that voice from the bathroom again, but this time it’s to her face, somewhat mumbled, and thanking her for her efforts, well… she’ll know she’s on the right track.
Okay, okay, hear me out…
The first Jurassic World, but instead of the awkward hetero storyline and a dead Zara, the film diverges when Zara finds the boys just a little bit sooner, grabs them by the ears and drags them to a secure service corridor. She tells them exactly what they need to do to survive and get back to their parents (“shut the fuck up and do as I say”) and what not to do (“if you run away from me again so help me god I will leave the both of you here and you can find your own way off an island full of escaped dinosaurs”).
It is very firmly established that her primary motivation for staying alive is that she is GETTING MARRIED, and not even a horde of prehistoric monsters can stop her from getting to that goddamned altar. She has paid for the venue and the flowers and the cake has been commissioned by the best pastry chef in the country– she has guests flying in from a dozen countries, including her asshole father who has never left his hometown in his whole life, let alone crossed an ocean, so SHE WILL BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT.
And the kids and the audience assumes that it’s just the typical bride-zilla bullshit of having a fairytale wedding come true and be perfect, but you know what? It works. She and the kids survive.
Meanwhile, the film cuts to scenes of the military trying to scramble a response team. The coast guard will help survivors, but there’s also the question of what to do with the dinosaurs, and they are just itching to nuke the place from orbit, even before they get confirmation that the island has fully evacuated. But there’s a female officer who argues strongly against it, and being the only woman in the room, they and the audience dismiss her as the bleeding heart who can’t see the Bigger Picture. But she pushes for more evacuation teams rather than a strike, and eventually gets it after she offers to lead it herself. But it comes with a time limit and she has X number of hours to get as many people as she can off the island before they take drastic measures. Her strike team ends up being instrumental in protecting the fleeing park guests as they file onto the rescue boats, even if the people still in the interior (Zara, kids, annoying boss and her rando crush on the raptor wrangler) don’t even know they’re there.
But everyone gets off the island, and by the time they’re in the refugee center, the kids are fucking glued to Zara’s side because whatever her motivations, she’s a fucking badass with good instincts who stayed calm under intense pressure and knew the park layout better than the park director herself, and now in their traumatized brains Zara=safety. And then the Bleeding Heart shows up in full uniform, calling Zara’s name.
“ZARA!”
Zara and the kids and everyone in the vicinity all perk up, and Zara’s eyes go wide. “Fiona??”
They lock eyes, and start sprinting towards each other, and collide in a jumble of arms, and smiles and tears. The others stare in shock, and it takes a moment, but when Fiona and Zara share a passionate kiss, they realize that Fiona is Zara’s fiancee, and suddenly it all makes sense.
Only a lesbian who only just won the right to marry (and no guarantee she gets to KEEP that right) would be ‘survive the dinosaur apocalypse’ levels of determined to have a wedding.
does anyone else get that horrible feeling when ur watching a show that you like, but you can feel the heterosexual romance building up, u know the signs, and it’s like ur in a horror movie except instead of a monster it’s the protagonists annoying boyfriend to be
what shuri did not do:
delete the footage of t’challa getting thrown across the lab
what shuri did do:
set the footage of t’challa getting thrown across the lab to “mmm whatcha say” and post the video to the dora milaje groupchat
@blacklightning: Where there’s #BlackLightning, there’s Thunder! See @NafessaWilliams in the series premiere January 16 on The CW.
Me: i love books! I love them so much! I am such a bookworm!
Friend: cool! How many did you read this year?
Me: OK, so here’s the thing
I did not come here to be attacked in this manner
So, Chris Hemsworth is in Ghostbusters, and Thor wasn’t in Civil War.
The character played by Chris Hemsworth in Ghostbusters:
- Is abnormally handsome.
- Does not know how telephones work.
- Also doesn’t know how saxophones work, or what doctors do.
- Seeks to spend time hanging around with human female scientists.
- Doesn’t actually need glasses.
- Never ends up actually injured by anything that happens.
I’m just sayin’, man.
Kevin’s superhuman abilities weren’t a result of being posessed by a human ghost, it was the result of a ghost taking control of an Asgardian O.O
HEADCANON: Someone showed Thor the Christopher Reeve Superman movies and he decided he needed a secret identity. Kevin is the result.
chyler leigh, a known supercorp,
Out of the Midvale posters, BUT! Got some stickers in today. Available HERE