Ms. Pumpkin Jaq: Please be advised that your familiar, Trix, will be returned to you by the end of the week. He was caught between chapters five and six of your recently returned novel, Fantastic Trees Through the Ages. Please note a two silver coin fine will be placed onto your account for returning Trix to his original form. At the time of
this letter, he was stuck in the shape of a bookmark.
Ms. Arques: Your copy of Lock Picking for Frequently Incarcerated Mischief Makers is available for pickup. Please note: How to Hide Nearly Anything Anywhere is nearing its due date and we can find you if necessary.
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Ms. Pierreux: The story stones you requested arrived yesterday. A Suspend Fire charm has been cast upon them as they were covered in lava. We have a pair of bat-shaped oven mitts handy should you
need protection to carry them home.
Lemon Peel the Tiny Dragon:A book in the form of a mechanical lizard arrived for you several days ago. Our apologies in this delay, it kept scampering away and hiding. We were finally able to keep it one place by giving it a steady bribe of nuts and bolts.
Mr. Redghost: A large black book with red pages and an unusual smell appeared at the Receiving Dock a few days ago. While we have no record of you requesting it, nor can we read the title or open the cover, it is whispering your name and laughing quietly. We insist you retrieve it as quickly as possible.
Ms. Starwater:Your copy of An Incomplete & Probably Untrue Yet Passionate History of Poltergeists is available for pick up. It has been playing tricks on various patrons since its arrival, please stop by the Circulation Desk so we may share the stories.
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another weird thing about beer is that it has weird masculinity connections to it. “ya i’ll get a beer, i don’t want none of them girly drinks” Jimothy, you’re drinking wheat juice with a 5% alcohol content and my mixed, fruity, “girly” drink is 40% alcohol and tastes great
O.KAY *CRACKS KNUCKLES* I AM ABOUT TO GIVE YOU AN EDUCATION
BEER IS TRADITIONALLY A WOMAN’S DRINK, IT IS THE MOST FEMALE OF ALL OF THE DRINKS. FOR THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS OF YEARS, BEER WAS MADE AT HOME BY WOMEN, TO BE CONSUMED BY WOMEN AND CHILDREN–IT WAS ACTUALLY A SOURCE OF NUTRIENTS FOR MANY HOUSEHOLDS. WOMEN CREATED THE CRAFT OF BEER, AND FOR MOST OF HUMAN HISTORY THAT IS WHO YOU’D BUY IT FROM: MANY WOMEN MADE ADDITIONAL INCOME BY BREWING AND SELLING BEER FROM HOME. IT WASN’T UNTIL THE ERA OF INDUSTRIALIZATION THAT BEER BEGAN TO BE BREWED IN FACTORIES. AND ONCE BEER WAS BEING BREWED ON A LARGE SCALE, IT MADE TO START MARKETING IT TO ALL THE MALE FACTORY WORKERS WHO SUDDENLY HAD EXTRA INCOME. HENCE AN AGGRESSIVE MARKETING CAMPAIGN TO RE-BRAND BEER, A DRINK INTRINSICALLY TIED WITH WOMEN’S HISTORY, AS A ‘MASCULINE’ BEVERAGE.
EVEN BETTER, FEMALE BREWSTERS WERE THE ORIGINAL WICKED OLD WITCH. THE TROPES WE COMMONLY ASSOCIATE WITH STEREOTYPICAL WITCHES ARE ACTUALLY BASED ON THE TRADITIONAL BREWSTER. CAULDRONS & HOT STEAMING POTIONS = BEER BREWING. THE WITCH’S HAT: BELIEVE IT OR NOT POINTY HATS WERE ACTUALLY WORN BY BREWSTERS WHEN SELLING THEIR PRODUCT AT MARKETS: THE ENORMOUS HEADGEAR HELPED THEM STAND OUT, AND CLEARLY TOLD EVERYONE ‘YO MOTHERFUCKA GET YOUR BEER HERE’.
CATS AS FAMILIARS: CATS WERE COMMONLY USED TO PREVENT RODENTS FROM GETTING INTO THE WHEAT. EVEN THE BROOMSTICK IS RELATED TO BEER: A BUNDLE OF TWIGS RESEMBLING A BROOM WAS USED AS AD FOR ALEHOUSES
so basically, beer is the ultimate woman’s and witch’s drink
REBLOG ME
fuck u guys, i didn’t spend 20 min fact checking for 3 notes
I am impressed at this much knowledge
Also, anthropologists say there is much evidence that women invented agriculture, and that the first semi-permenant agricultural villages were established for the primary purpose of facilitating beer-brewing.
That’s right: Civilization was invented by women. For beer.
we probably lost a lot of medical knowledge during the witch hunts because of how many mid wives were persecuted, and how men took over the field of medicine. I bet a few hundred years ago a mid wife might actually have some kind of knowledge about conditions that affect women exclusively which we still haven’t bothered to research in our modern society.
ok now I’m fucking mad
how many got killed cuz of witch hunts seems like youd have to kill a lot
“It is estimated that at least 1, 000 were executed in England, and the Scottish, Welsh, and Irish were even fiercer in their purges. It is hard to arrive at a figure for the whole of the Continent and the British Isles, but the most responsible estimate would seem to be 9 million. It may well, some authorities contend, have been more. Nine million seems almost moderate when one realizes that The Blessed Reichhelm of Schongan at the end of the 13th century computed the number of the Devil-driven to be 1,758,064,176. A conservative, Jean Weir, physician to the Duke of Cleves, estimated the number to be only 7,409,127. The ratio of women to men executed has been variously estimated at 20 to 1 and 100 to 1. Witchcraft was a woman’s crime.
Men were, not surprisingly, most often the bewitched. Subject to women’s evil designs, they were terrified victims. Those men who were convicted of witchcraft were often family of convicted women witches, or were in positions of civil power, or had political ambitions which conflicted with those of the Church, a monarch, or a local dignitary. Men were protected from becoming witches not only by virtue of superior intellect and faith, but because Jesus Christ, phallic divinity, died “to preserve the male sex from so great a crime: since He was willing to be born and to die for us, therefore He has granted to men this privilege. ” Christ died literally for men and left women to fend with the Devil themselves.” (pg 129-130) Woman Hating, Andrea Dworkin
“The witches used drugs like belladonna and aconite, organic amphetamines, and hallucinogenics. They also pioneered the development of analgesics. They performed abortions, provided all medical help for births, were consulted in cases of impotence which they treated with herbs and hypnotism, and were the first practitioners of euthanasia. Since the Church enforced the curse of Eve by refusing to permit any alleviation of the pain of childbirth, it was left to the witches to lessen pain and mortality as best they could. It was especially as midwives that these learned women offended the Church, for, as Sprenger and Kramer wrote, “No one does more harm to the Catholic Faith than mid wives. ” The Catholic objection to abortion centered specifically on the biblical curse which made childbearing a painful punishment—it did not have to do with the “right to life” of the unborn fetus. It was also said that midwives were able to remove labor pains from the woman and transfer those pains to her husband—clearly in violation of divine injunction and intention both.” (pg 139-140) Woman Hating, Andrea Dworkin
“The magic of the witches was an imposing catalogue of medical skills concerning reproductive and psychological processes, a sophisticated knowledge of telepathy, auto- and hetero-suggestion, hypnotism, and mood-controlling drugs. Women knew the medicinal nature of herbs and developed formulae for using them. The women who were faithful to the pagan cults developed the science of organic medicine, using vegetation, before there was any notion of the profession of medicine. Paracelsus, the most famous physician of the Middle Ages, claimed that everything he knew he had learned from “the good women.” (pg 140)
Woman Hating, Andrea Dworkin
****************get the PDF here *********************
Bolded sections are by me. Honestly I don’t think I need to explain much. We lost some of the most important women in the world, who were the pioneers of medicine for a “curse of eve”. Basically saying if you relieve another woman’s pain we’re going to call you a witch and kill you “in the name of god” because having a child is punishment upon women and relieving their pain is illegal because this book written by men told me so.
Also check out the part where men can’t be witches because jesus and his “phallic divinity” “preserve the male sex”.
Ever heard of the Voynich manuscript?
Big, huge, herbal / medical / astronomical lexicon from the 1400s, depicting lots of naked women clearly
performing rituals that serve medical functions, lots of them pretty clearly related
to childbirth.
You know, this book that is written in a language that
nobody has been able to read for 600 years, but nobody, and I mean NO MAN has
ever even thought about the simple reality of WOMEN having written it.
I found
one blog post by a woman about how this text is very clearly written by women,
and the knowledge within it has been completely annihilated or co-opted by men
who now don’t even consider the possibility that a woman, or multiple women,
could have written something like this.
Seriously, look it up. Naked women. Fat, short, in baths,
all of it. And the entire academic world is absolutely convinced this must have
been written by a man. In the wikipedia article, only male linguists and historians are mentioned, because only they matter. And every single one of their theories is laughingly phallocentric and simply wrong.
They go so far as say that aliens wrote it before they
consider that women actually had herbal and medicinal knowledge and passed that
knowledge on, in secret, written in languages only they knew, so that no priest
or holy man or inquisitor could read it and kill them.
Open your eyes. This has been going on for hundreds of
years. Women had to hide in the shadows, had to invent languages, just to avoid
being killed by men for trying to help themselves and other women. This is reality.
Question of Smoke 