Tag: superman

hatingongodot:

Before she learns about his secret identity, Lois Lane
thinks Clark Kent is a goddamn mess

She goes to his place to work on a joint article and it
takes her like half an hour to find out that Clark lives in an absolutely
nonfunctional house

She has to change a lightbulb but there are no stools, no
sufficiently high chairs, no way of reaching the ceiling unless you find a way
to climb the walls. “How the hell do you change your bulbs?” she asks. Clark
mutters something about misplacing the footstool and helps her drag the table
from the kitchen to the living room.

Lois watches Clark make lasagna and has to physically
restrain him from pulling the tray out of the oven with his bare hands. “Are
you out of your goddamn MIND?” she yells, scrambling to pull him away on time. “What
are you DOING? WHERE ARE THE OVEN MITTS?” and Clark is just like “Right…..oven
mitts…….. I think I lost them with the uh. footstool” both he and Lois pause
for a moment to engage in a riveting game of Mentally Punch Clark

Lois runs into the bathroom to put on a disguise and yells
out, “Where do you keep your razor?” There’s a gust of wind and Clark comes
back with slightly windswept hair. “I got it!” he says with unwarranted
triumph. “It’s right here. The razor I use.” Lois looks at it and it is CLEARLY
recently purchased and never used and she’s just like. I don’t even care
anymore

For weeks she just assumes Clark is missing some crucial
element in his home and starts stacking her own things all over the place. Lois thinking Clark has no clue how to take care of himself while Clark is Eternally Tormented and has to find ways to keep his identity a secret while living in close quarters, and the slow burn mutual pining roommates AU of my dreams begins

voxmyriad:

unpretty:

unpretty:

another dumb headcanon: superman is nice to birds because of course he is, and helps out birds who are in distress. also he can fly around with them. birds see a lot more of superman than they do of most people, basically. the unexpected consequence of this is that the crows of metropolis recognize superman as a friend. sometimes crows just follow him around like a weird flock, or try to give him shiny things. but mostly please just imagine luthor trying to gloat while threatening superman with kryptonite only to have a crow steal it. or just, generally, lex luthor getting attacked by crows. if that does not improve your day i don’t know what to tell you.

“What is that?”

Superman followed the direction of Batman’s gaze. A crow had landed on the rooftop beside them, and dropped a bottlecap near Superman’s feet. “Oh! Hey Francis. Is that for me?”

“Caw,” said Francis.

“Do you have a pet crow?” Batman asked.

“No, I don’t have pets,” Superman said as he bent down to retrieve the bottlecap.

“You named it.”

“Not this specific one,” Superman explained. “I just call all the crows Francis.”

“… why.”

“Caw, caw,” said Francis with a flap of its wings.

“I don’t know. Just calling them ‘crow’ felt rude after a while. I’d name them individually but I can’t actually tell them apart. Except for Old Francis and One-Eyed Francis.” Superman tucked the bottlecap into a small pocket on the back of his pants.

“Why Francis?”

Superman shrugged. “It’s gender neutral. I don’t want to misgender them just because they’re birds.”

“Of course you don’t,” Batman sighed, looking back out at Metropolis.

“Caw,” Francis added.

“Do you keep dog treats in your utility belt?” Superman asked.

“Why would I do that.”

“… in case you meet a dog that needs to know he’s a good boy?” Superman suggested. Batman shook his head, but opened a small pouch on his belt and held out a small treat. “See, it was a yes or no question, I don’t know why everything has to be such a production with you,” Superman said as he took it. He tossed it over by the bird’s feet. “Here you are, Francis. Keep up the good work.”

“Caw, caw,” Francis said. When it realized no more treats were forthcoming, it flew away in a flutter of black wings.

“You’re unbelievable,” Batman said, shaking his head again.

Superman took his eyes off the departing crow to look back at Batman, and frowned. “You know,” he said, “it’s really weird seeing you in costume during the day.”

“Don’t start.”

“It’s like seeing your teacher at the mall.”

“Don’t think I won’t take care of Poison Ivy without your help, if I have to.”

Superman shrugged. “I’m just saying.”

But…what if the crows also recognized him as Clark Kent? This mild-mannered reporter who doesn’t seem to do anything in particular to the crows that would make them like him, but they’re not afraid of him at all, and they keep trying to give HIM things, and Clark being a nice guy, he just. Accepts the bottlecap. Says thank you. Keeps walking. Lois adds another factoid to her “Weird Stuff About Clark Kent” file.

Maybe he tries to convince his coworkers that everyone is friendly with crows in Smallville. That the farmers discovered how smart crows are and decided to make friends with them instead of chasing them off.

Maybe he tries to talk the crows into palling around with him as Superman but going their separate ways as Clark Kent.

Please imagine Superman on top of a building holding Clark Kent’s glasses and trying to explain the concept of a secret identity to a flock of attentive birds.

evandocshaner:

davidmann95:

Anyone know where this is from? And anyone recognize the artist? Reminds me of Brittney Williams, but I’m not sure.

Man oh man I am excited about this book. Would also love to know who this artist is as I’m also having trouble placing it, but I’m really digging it. Hope that ART NOT FINAL is not an indication that it won’t look like this.

whetstonefires:

copperbadge:

libertarirynn:

heilmojito:

This is my new fav picture.

The best part about this is that it’s completely plausible that it’s a totally casual thing. The Justice League has to crash in a hotel room together and share a bed. We already know Diana has no qualms about sharing her bed with men without any sexual connotation to it. And Batman and Superman are bros (usually depending on your preferred continuity), so this is basically just Superfriends cuddling in bed like it’s casual.

They’re also on a fold-out sofa which suggests they are, in fact, in the basement of the Kent family home. 

Ma Kent is not going to be pleased when she sees all three of them are still wearing their shoes. 

Clark: Would you relax?

Bruce: There’s an actual pillow right there.

Clark: Look, if you’re not comfortable…

Bruce: I’m never comfortable.

Diana: Both
your flanks are guarded by people who can punch out mountains. Clark
has super-hearing. You have literally never been safer in your life.

Bruce: Does Clark have super waking-up-if-there-are-ninjas powers?

Clark: Yes. Go to sleep.

radioactivepeasant:

janothar:

misscrazyfangirl321:

wakeupontheprongssideofthebed:

writing-prompt-s:

You’re a regular office worker born with the ability to “see” how dangerous a person is with a number scale of 1-10 above their heads. A toddler would be a 1, while a skilled soldier with a firearm may score a 7. Today, you notice the reserved new guy at the office measures a 10.

You decide it’s best to find out what you can about this person. Cautiously, you approach his desk. He’s a handsome man, tall, but with a disarming smile. How could such a friendly guy with such cute, dorky glasses be dangerous?

You extend your hand. “I noticed you’re new here. What’s your name?”

He shakes your hand warmly. His gaze is piercing, as if he’s looking right through you. “The name’s Clark,” he says. “So, how long have you worked for the Daily Planet?”

This one wins.

It’s been a few weeks, and one of Clark’s friends shows up.  She’s pretty and all, enough muscle that she must work out.  First thought would be that she should be maybe a 6.

Clark’s introducing her around.  “This is my good friend, Diana, she’s in from out of town.”

You blink, and take a step back in fear.  You’ve never seen an 11 before.

IT GOT BETTER