randomthingsthatilike123:

so i was thinking about that post, about how maladaptive coping methods were at one point adaptive and do you think about how Kara and Lena both react to conflict and betrayal?

Kara is influenced by the shadow of kryptons destruction in her every action–how many people do you think she wishes she can see one last time? maybe she thinks about how stupid that one fight was in the light of such overwhelming loss and how she holds on tight to people no matter what. no matter how much they hurt her.

James and Winn lied to her for months after she was nothing but honest to them, where she didn’t even have a choice to tell James her secret, where this is something James can choose but Kara will never stop being an alien, who’s living in a deeply xenophobic society and still James and Winn were the ones who lied.

how j’onn was actually an alien but treated her like she was gum on his shoe and had her shot of the sky with Kryptonite and wouldn’t let Alex tell Kara about being in the DEO for 3 years.

Alex never went against orders and told Kara she was part of the DEO (aka alien Guantanamo) and killed her aunt. alex said it herself–clark abandoned her. astra tried to kill her and her sister but again Kara forgives her, because Astra is dying and what else left is there to do?

lena creates the thing that tortures her. the thing that killed and tortured her aunt (also there are plenty of things that can kill humans but when loved ones are killed by a certain thing, like a knife, or a gun, or even a dog humans tend to really hate the thing that killed them) and after the initial freakout she still extends her hand in friendship. and you know what? maybe Kara forgives too easily

it’s not really a criticism of lena but with everything that happened with Lillian and lex I think a lot about lena and her inability to forgive can be summed up as I finally love myself enough to be angry about how I was treated. and for someone who was always told she wasn’t good enough and had people who should have loved her try to kill her this isn’t the worst attitude to have..

whereas Kara kind of just. takes it. and keeps taking all of it. and there isn’t really talk for Kara any more about how to get past her anger and the betrayal

it’s that John mulaney quote- I’m going to hold all of my emotions right here and then one day I’ll die.“

whereas lena maybe needs to look at her one strike you’re out of my life policy if she wants to have healthy relationships w people bc people fuck up without it being an abusive kind of situation. it just happens. like. if Kara truly was acting like Lillian she would have said James was lying and he’s doing this because they used to date and he doesn’t want lena and supergirl to be friends (psa i am not saying this is what happened THIS IS THE BEING LIKE LILLIAN SCENARIO I JUST WANT TO BE CLEAR) but she owned up to it and was like ok we need to talk about this I did do that and i want to still be friends but all Lena can see is a repeat of her mother and lex and immediately cuts ties and metaphorically runs.

tl;dr lena and Kara both need therapy. so much fucking therapy. please someone bring them and everyone else to therapy.