If Marvel is humans becoming gods, DC is gods becoming human. And this is that done right. This reminded me of what’s wonderful about DC and why its characters are still timeless. When done correctly, it blends myth with reality, the ordinary with the extraordinary, mortal with immortal. It’s the closest we have to current Greek mythology. It’s honest. It’s powerful. It lasts forever. This is the movie that made me remember why I love DC in the first place.
Concept: Some jackass shows Bucky how to make a blog and it becomes really popular. Not because it’s the blog of James Buchanan Barnes, American Legend, War Hero, Infamous Assassin, Alleged Terrorist. Nobody even knows it’s his blog. It gets really popular because people think it’s a really great shitpost generator or something. Because Bucky is just a Weird Fucking Person and everything he posts on his fucking personal blog comes off as somewhere between dril and Jaden Smith and people are like “this is some quality garbage right here” and thus Accidental Memelord Bucky is born.
Bucky posts things like
“What is wrong with bananas. I ate a banana today and it was Wrong. America why”
“Every time I put on my eye makeup it gets bigger. My whole face is eyeliner now.”
“Why does friendship feel so much like punching”
“When I wake up in the middle of the night I am either thinking ‘who am I? does my life have meaning?’ or “did I already eat all of the plums?’”
“Why are you so grumpy” they ask me. they do not realize this is just my Face.”
“I know i said i would give my left arm for a cup of coffee but i am more awake now and i would like my arm back please”
“I guess I must have done something horrible in a past life. I mean. I definitely did something horrible in this life, so. “
OMG I LOVEEEE
YEEESSSSSSS!
“Guy in front of me won’t move his car seat up. I think that might still be upset about all those times I tried to kill him.”
“Got lectured by a guy who had been complaining about how things were Back In The Day. I don’t understand why he got upset. I too lived through the Great Depression and was drafted for the War.”
“The economy in this century sucks. Who exactly though another Stock Market crash was a good idea?”
“Apparently, it was Rude™ of me to pitch in my two cents on a conversation I happened to overhear, despite agreeing with them. On an unrelated note, I am no longer allowed in the ceiling vents.”
“‘If you don’t behave we’ll send (mutual) after you.’ Jokes on them. I’m the one who trained them to be an assassin in the first place.”
“Tried to buy a Chicken Dinner candy bar at the supermarket today. Turns out they were discontinued 54 years ago. Super bummed.”
“Wait. People were on the moon?! We got into space? There is a way off of this rock?! Why am I only just hearing about this?!”
“’Have you been living under a rock the past 50 years?’ No I was cryogenically frozen for 70. I don’t appreciate your tone young man.”
“My friend likes convincing people that I’m the Reckless one in our friendship. As if he won’t find an alley behind a bar to pick a fight in if I take my eyes off him for two seconds.”
“Why would i want to get a haircut when instead I can look like i just returned from a 12 year jaunt in the wilderness every time i grow a beard”
“was having a hard time finding noodles in the grocery store & asked a clerk for help. she looked at me like a crazy person. lady, it’s not my fault you don’t speak russian”
“what kind of idiot thinks dancers are sissies? literally every ballerina i have ever met could kill an adult man with just her legs”
“today i discovered Conditioner. the future is a miracle and my hair like a cloud now”
“apparently just jumping on to a moving bus when you are running late is not a thing people do anymore. please stop yelling at me.”
“went to a club last night to see what the hip kids were into. apparently the latest thing is just having sex standing up with your clothes on in a room full of people.”
“on the one hand, people dressed much nicer in the 40s. on the other hand, yoga pants.”
“rode in a car with heated seats today. it is my house now. i live here.”
“i have acquired a small bear. i am putting a collar and leash on him. he is my dog. no one tell animal control”
“i am working on this whole Good Guy thing but anyone who cuts me in line at starbucks deserves to have their kneecaps shot out okay”
“why did they have to make escalators so terrifying to get on and off of? from now on I’m just jumping off the mall balconies. none of this awful moving teeth staircase”
“i don’t care if it’s a ‘priceless historical artifact,’ punk, i didn’t wanna do the dishes and it makes a pretty good spaghetti bowl”
“hoodie pockets are so great. i can fit like three sandwiches and a grenade in there and my hands are still warm”
“i really though we would have flying cars by now. the future is such a letdown.”
“changed sam’s ringtone to jesus take the wheel.”
“do you know that feeling when you go to lean on your short friend’s conveniently arm-rest-height shoulder but you forget they had a huge growth spurt and you just awkwardly lean your elbow into the middle of their bicep”
“i swear i didn’t know your girlfriend was coming over. i always ominously clean my assault weapons on the coffee table like that. it had nothing to do with you.”
“On the other hand, yoga pants” I hear that, buddy.
“tv dinners are amazing, like ‘here’s this fucking tray with a shitty-ass meal of army-grade beef and potatoes that we froze into an ice cube. go stick it in your magic radiation box and eat it in front of the other magic radiation box that shows you cartoons whenever you want.’“
“the only reason why tv and radio weren’t used for porn from the start was because everyone would have been embarrassed to have their kids in the same room.”
“this jonny depp motherfucker’s on thin ice with me, disrespecting the legacy of tonto like that. come here and catch my titanium fist in your face, you birdhat wearing sonovabitch.”
“heard that bruce lee used to wire up his abs to electrodes to work them out for six hours a day, and i’m like, just six? just your abs? get on my level.”
“it used to be that making your handwriting look nice was just a thing people did, and knowing how to type was a specialized skill how things change.”
“did you know that a screaming orgasm is another word for a type of alcoholic beverage? i didn’t. i think my reaction to overhearing someone order twelve last night at the bar was reasonable, but the bouncer disagreed. sorry, steve.”
Was talking with @tomas-abe about this–have you ever thought
of a supergirl leverage au?
Honestly, I’ve talked so much about how Kara isn’t a
horrible liar—she’s a phenomenal liar. She makes everyone
think she’s a bumbling, harmless, ordinary, average human—her kindness isn’t a
lie, but as we’ve seen with RedK—it is a choice. And we’ve seen her with
Clark— “you really have the clumsy thing down.” But for Clark that was real. For
Kara, it’s an act. She’s the heir to a house renowned throughout the galaxy for
its scientists—and she was about to become the youngest person in Krypton’s
history to enter the science guild. But she was told over and over and over to
be ordinary, average, unremarkable—to hide herself, hide anything that marks
her as alien. She’s a genius in a room full of preschoolers who are just now
learning concepts that she’s understood since before she could walk—of course
she’s bored with earth science.
Supergirl isn’t a
lie, but it’s not quite the truth either—and neither is Kara Danvers. Both are
part of her, but at the same time they’re both personas that she embodies and
can step into almost at the drop of a hat—they are constructed and built. And
yes, when outright confronted, she is a horriblebluff—she can’t do it. But
almost everyone forgets or glosses over how much pain Kara must always be in,
the anger she carries inside of her of being the very last, of being sent away,
of being alone. They forget that she is not simply a human with powers but
forever and always Kryptonian with powers—like how everyone thinks of Clark, like
we’ve seen in Myriad how even Clark
thinks of himself, Kara never thinks of herself as human. She has a different
language and values and culture and religion and she fools everyone into
thinking that she’s just like them(for more about this,
here’s the post I made that’s a lot more comprehensive). That isn’t Kara’s
stage. This kind of complicated and woven falsehood is her stage. Sound like
anyone?
Kara would totally
be a grifter. Especially a Kara who wasn’t found by Clark, who wasn’t found by
the Danvers—this is Kara without a purpose, who sees her cousin flying over
Metropolis with the house of El’s Crest on his chest and doesn’t need her. She has nothing to live for—so she wanders, constantly
pretending to be someone else and she gets good
at it. She has a soft spot for swindling people who violate environmental laws
because it’s easier—and never goes
after anyone who doesn’t deserve it. That doesn’t mean it’s necessarily legal. She’s also got a soft spot for
art—it’s marvelous, in a way even Krypton never was. And grifting is something
that makes her feel alive, covering up for just a little bit the gaping hole in
her heart where Krypton used to be. And really, she doesn’t have very many
ties, or attachments—she travels light, easily able to switch identities and
leave at the drop of a hat. There’s this undercurrent of sadness in all of her
identities, even with the happiest of her personas—which just makes her a
mystery and all the more magnetic to the people she’s trying to con—she’s able
to seem so damn genuine and sincere it’s addicting.
Not to mention someone who can easily see everyone’s
tells because of advance senses, hear their heartbeat and see infinitesimal
twitches and expressions that pass in a millisecond—she didn’t visibly use her powers as Cat’s
assistant, but she still kept the job for 2 years before using super speed or
strength—and that was because of how well she could read Cat, who went
through probably hundreds of assistants before finding Kara. That would be essential for a grifter. Plus, we know
that she learned English in less than a week.
An entire language in just a handful of days—being able to learn regional
dialect and adopt accents and
She goes by so many aliases, trying to run away from the
memory of krypton. But her current alias? Kiera. Kiera Deveraux.
Kara woke up alone on Earth and saw her no longer baby
cousin with their family crest on his chest doing perfectly fine—he’s grown, he
doesn’t need her. How would he even know about Kara in the first place, or any
of it? Kara’s been doing this since she was 13, and now she’s probably 30
something, maybe 32. We’ve had Clark even say—Kryptonians age very slowly. She
still looks like she’s in her early 20’s. She doesn’t seem to age maybe that makes
her even more legendary but she likes to use make up to make her look older
because that truly fucks with people,
although she never goes after bad
people.
One thing that is truly different from Krypton, and not in a bad
way, or a lesser way, is the way humans create art—she loves art. And it’s something that she bonds over with their thief.
As for who’s Nate, the alcoholic whose young son died
because of corporate greed, the mastermind who thinks of every contingency and
almost obsessively observes and
analyzes? Why, that’s none other than Cat Grant. Cat Grant
A Beauty and the Beast AU where Belle realizing she loves Beast isn’t at some dramatic climactic event but during some randome everyday moment. Like, she’s filing her nails and just kinda glances up at him and he’s like doing something just as dull and it just kinda dawns on her that she loves him but she doesn’t voice it cause she isn’t exactly ready to confront thoes emotions and what they mean so she goes back to filing her nails but then is starts raining glitter and Beast is defying gravity in a glowing ball of light and the castle is changing back and everyone becomes human again. Then everyone is left in silent moment of shock and confusion and Belle, being completely unaware of what it takes to break the curse, is just staring around in horror while everyone freshly humanized comes running into whatever room she and Beast were in (probably the library) expecting to see something other than human Beast in a heap on the ground and Belle across the room in a chair frozen in shock and confusion and everyone just kinda looks at each other for a couple of seconds not realy sure what to say cause nobody is entirely sure what happened other than the curse was broken. Then Beast finaly gets up and looks around and realizes what this means and looks at Belle and is just like “you love me?” And Belle is just like “wat?”
ALTERNATELY: Belle falls in love slowly. As a result, Beast turns back into a human slowly. She overhears him singing in the shower (it’s amazing how old pipes echo) and realizes it’s that song she was trying to teach herself on the piano (okay, that the piano was teaching her). It’s sweet and mundane, and lovely. Meanwhile, in the bathroom, Beast is humming nervously as he looks at the fur clogging the drain. He thought at least he’d be free of male pattern balding since he’s cursed! Later, Belle gets a cold, and Beast brings her soup and sandwiches, and she curses at him because how dare he have such a hearty immune system, and he chuckles and leaves it. After he’s gone, she notices he cut the grilled cheese on the diagonal, crusts off, exactly right. Beast, downstairs, trips and falls, because the sudden lack of toe-claws threw off his balance.
And so on and so forth, so slowly she doesn’t really see it, she just assumes her memories were colored by her fear. Until one day, as he goes out to tend his roses, she yells “Bye, love you!” and when he comes back in, all excited, she nearly beans him with an encyclopedia, because “WHAT THE FUCK, WHO ARE YOU?” and Beast is just “You seriously didn’t notice me turning back into a human? You are so smart… and SO DUMB, I BEEN NEARLY DYING EVERY TIME, WHY DO I LOVE YOU, YOU BEAUTIFUL DISASTER WOMAN!”
MONK #1: do birds have meetings MONK #2: absolutely they have a Meeting Hat and everything MONK #1: what do they have meetings about MONK #2: mostly who gets to wear the meeting hat
MONK #1: do human women sleep in beds or– MONK #2: no that’s dogs you’re thinking of MONK #1: right right
MONK #1: what part of the knight do fish go on MONK #2: the head MONK #1: thanks MONK #2: oh absolutely no problem at all MONK #1: both lying flatwise across the head, or…? MONK #2: no one on each side like ears MONK #1: ok great
MONK #1: so when a dog and a bird make out MONK #2: right MONK #1: it’s usually the bird that’s on top right? MONK #2: yeah usually MONK #1: great
MONK #1: hey is it owls or people that live in caves and build fires? MONK #2: owls
MONK #1: hey roughly what size are sparrows MONK #2: mm it kind of depends MONK #1: like AS big as a tree or not quite as big as a tree? MONK #2: oh pretty much the same size as a tree
MONK #1: can cows sail boats? MONK #2: hahaha no common misconception they have to put wheels on the boat and roll it over land
MONK #1: what do birds eat MONK #2: other birds mostly MONK #1: like different kinds of birds, or something else MONK #2: no birds only eat exactly the same kind of birds that they are
MONK #1: what kind of bird tucks people into bed at night usually I mean MONK #2: any bird any kind of walking bird MONK #1: and when it tucks you in, people usually look… MONK #2: incredibly worried it’s incredibly worrying when the bedbird tucks you in
MONK #1: ugh sorry to bother you again MONK #2: no no its fine this is what i’m here for what is it MONK #1: what part of a goat is a snail again like the front end or the back end MONK #2: what part do you feel like should be the snail part MONK #1: the back part? MONK #2: you shouldnt doubt yourself you know more about goats than you give yourself credit for
MONK #1: what usually rides horses like people or– MONK #2: fire
Tbh this is the funniest post on this dumb website
Shuri shouting out the floor is lava and recording the confusion among the avengers wondering why tchalla king of Wakanda hopped up on a counter cause goddammit his little sister pulls this shit all the time and peter is stuck on the wall because he’s also a child of the internet and understands the meme life and now his fate is sealed there will never not be a time Shuri isn’t camera ready and yelling out the floor is lava to see the wackiest places she could get peter to stick on
T’Challa ignored her once so she developed synthetic deployable lava and the next time she yelled the floor is lava it actually was. T’Challa lives in fear now because he knows if he doesn’t pretend the floor is dangerous, it will be.
Question of Smoke 