– “I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”
An app that shows you where there’s a young man in possession of a good fortune who must be in want of a wife
On the radar:
Gentleman with 5,000 pounds a year Handsome tragic veteran Dashing officer of good breeding Gentleman with 10,000 pounds a year Liberal-minded heir to a large estate
Your phone buzzes:
Mr. Collins
Your mother runs into the room “the lure I placed on netherfield park has worked at last. There is a young man in possession of good fortune, one of the girls must surely catch him”
when will YA authors realize that the mr. darcy fantasy isn’t “hot rich guy is a huge dick to you” but “hot rich guy fucking respects and listens to you”
“hot rich guy only seems like a huge dick because he has the social skills of an agarophobic lobster.”
“hot rich guy falls in love with you, respects your wishes when you tell him to fuck off, mends his ways with no ulterior motive and opens his dumb awkward heart to you”
Reddit user TheABrown describes “nice guy” in literary terms and nails it:
A
friend of mine who is big into English literature has described a big
chunk of them as “The Mr Collinses of the world who are bewildered and
angry that not even Charlotte Lucas will have them now that she has more
options.”
For those who haven’t read Pride and Prejudice, Mr Collins is a
character who has a decent income, isn’t vicious, but he’s annoying and
unpleasant. After being rejected by the heroine, he marries another
woman called Charlotte Lucas, who marries him because she’s getting
older, not likely to have another proposal, and is worried about living
the rest of her life as the maiden aunt in genteel poverty dependent on
her father or brother. [source]
I also like the second comment:
I mean, the feckless Wickhams of the world will always attract the silly Lydias; and the genuinely decent and honourable Bingleys and Darcys seem to find their Janes and Elizabeths – but the modern Charlottes – well, lots of them, now that it’s socially acceptable, and financially viable, to be single, would much prefer to spend the rest of their lives living in their own little one-bedroom flats, working their sensible, modestly renumerated jobs, and spending their evenings with friends, pizza, wine, and their pet cats if their options for marriage and partnership are Mr Collinses, regardless of whether Mr Collins has a respectable career or a nice house in the suburbs.
The Mr Collinses are (usually) not vicious or nasty or even objectively a terrible life decision (like a Wickham), but most Charlottes don’t want to spend their lives with them if there’s another option.
The other problem of course is that a lot of Mr Collinses are under some sort of delusion that they’re Mr Darcy/Mr Bingley/Mr Knightley etc.
I think the best definition of a “Nice Guy” is “Someone who’s convinced he’s Mr. Darcy but is really Mr. Collins.”
^ Yes this.
Mind you his travelling fifty miles to…er…commiserate on Lydia’s disgrace? Is maybe not vicious in the physical sense but at BEST it’s horribly tone deaf and at worse outright gloating.
Also worth pointing out:
Collins is turned down by Lizzie and disbelieves her. She says several times in the strongest terms that she doesn’t want him but NOPE, she can’t possibly be serious. It takes her leaving the room to get it through his head.
Darcy, by contrast, is turned down and is shocked, but he doesn’t NOT TAKE HER SERIOUSLY. He’s appalled that she would ever think of turning him down, he demands to know why (and by gum does she let him have it) but he takes her at her word. At which point he leaves.
AND THEN TRIES TO DO BETTER.
Mr Collins bumbles off and proposes to the first woman who doesn’t roll her eyes at him. Darcy goes off and attempts to amend his faults, not to win Lizzie over but Because She Is Right and He Was Being An Arse.
“The recollection of what I then said, of my conduct, my manners, my expressions during the whole of it, is now, and has been many months, inexpressibly painful to me. Your reproof, so well applied, I shall never forget: “had you behaved in a more gentleman-like manner.” Those were your words. You know not, you can scarcely conceive, how they have tortured me; – though it was some time, I confess, before I was reasonable enough to allow their justice.”
I love me some Pride and Prejudice. (points at videos)
So much Jane Austen reveals that there is nothing new under the damn sun.
As I said when the Google Memo hit: If there’s a story about gender out there, there’s probably an Austen quote for it.
From Persuasion:
Captain Harville:”I won’t allow it to be any more
man’s nature than women’s to be inconstant or to forget those they love
or have loved. I believe the reverse. I believe… Let me just observe
that all histories are against you, all stories, prose, and verse. I do
not think I ever opened a book in my life which did not have something
to say on women’s fickleness.”
Question of Smoke 