those “monkey brain/human brain” posts except the monkey brain is presented as the rational one
monkey brain: extra body hair provides warmth and producing it but then cutting it off wastes valuable nutrients
human brain: hehe leg smooth
*looking at a tiger*
monkey brain: that animal right there is a dangerous predator adapted for stalking, chasing, and quickly dispatching of creatures like us. we should find high ground to get away from it before it sees us
human brain: hehe kitty wana pet
monkey brain: the ocean is the last place we want to be right now. we’re not built to swim and we’ll likely drown within five minutes. and let’s not even get into what might want to kill us once we get into open water
human brain: wheee swimmy
Tag: LOL
iM???? kkshd;bgdjsmmsnd;sn;
An orc wrote this.
An orc who knows how to treat a lady
What do you call two witches sharing an apartment?
Broom-mates!
lesbians
And they were broom-mates
Oh my god, they were broom-mates…
I spent two years at a top university, was taught by some of the finest modern archaeologists, and THIS is my what I learned.
thor: brother! i just discovered this wonderful device called an iphone, i can finally call my midgardian friends!
loki, who’s been on grindr since 2009: oh fun
thor: loki! give me your number and we can text!
loki *texting*: i don’t have a phone
Thor, through text: Brother, we need to have a serious discussion. Call me that we might talk.
Loki, through text: One moment I can’t find my phone
Thor, through text: OK
If you ask yourself “Would Gomez Addams treat me this way?” And the answer is no, move tf on from that situation.
If you’re a wlw ask if Morticia would ever treat you this way.
If the answer is no, move on.
“Is this how an Addams would behave?” Is the best way to make sure you’re being treated fairly and with love
Expository dialogue techniques that don’t rely on characters randomly explaining things to each other that they should already know, but do rely on your characters being obnoxious gits:
1. Character A fucks something up hilariously; character B upbraids them at great length about exactly what they did wrong.
2. Character A wildly misreads a situation; character B corrects their misconceptions.
3. Character A tells a complicated and implausible lie; character B points out the obvious holes in their story.
4. Character A can’t find their destination; character B provides rambling and discursive directions.
5. Character A has a straightforward question; character B requests a series of extremely pedantic clarifications.
canon: they died
fanfic: fUCK YOU
Canon: and so they never met
Fanfic: here’s a funny story
Canon: There was tension and pining, but they never even kissed.
Fanfic: Actually,
Canon: Torture the cinnamon roll.
Fanfic: Torture the cinnamon roll.
Correction:
Torture the cinnamon roll and then have somebody take care of them and cuddle them a lot
Question of Smoke 