I want to see a fanfic where Harry hatches a basilisk.
I want to see a fanfic where he looks up “magical snakes” as soon as he gets to Hogwarts because that thing at the zoo always bugged him, and so the Trio works out that it’s a basilisk immediately after the first petrification in Second Year. But they don’t know how it’s getting around or where it is or anything, so Harry is just like WELP SET A BASILISK TO FIND A BASILISK while Hermione and Ron are like HARRY NO.
I want to see a fanfic where Harry sticks a chicken egg under a toad and makes all these plans about how he’ll talk to his huge deadly snake and get it eye-blinkers and shit so it doesn’t kill people and make sure it’s not too aggressive, and somehow it never occurs to his twelve-year old brain that the chicken egg has a total volume of about four tablespoons and he is not going to get the giant King of Serpents he is expecting.
I want to see a fanfic where it finally breaks out of the shell and Harry finds himself with a bb!basilisk too smol to even have the murder-eyes yet, who can only petrify someone for about half an hour before the effect wears off. She eats spiders and gets tired very easily and demands that he wear a hood she can curl up in and sleep.
(She is also the same vivid green as his eyes and already hideously venomous, but doesn’t like using her fangs because she says they get cold and give her brain freeze when she unsheathes them.)
I just… I really want Harry with a haughty, demanding, arrogant danger noodle who has an overinflated sense of her own importance, views Hedwig as a TERRIFYING MENACE because she isn’t big enough to eat owls yet and keeps up a steady stream of insults hissed in Harry’s ear whenever she’s near someone who has a Dark Mark (which she can sense at close range). And who is basically useless as a familiar because she refuses to slither across anything other than sun-warmed stones or Harry, hasn’t got a very powerful gaze yet and doesn’t like biting people.
(Except snake-arm-people. She finds snake-arm-people confusing and annoying, and would probably make an exception on the no-biting thing where they’re concerned.)
I mean there are obviously a lot of factors influencing snake growth rate but if we assume basilisks just get stupidhuge because they grow their whole lives and are immortal, this snake is probably going to be at least 8 feet long by Deathly Hallows, which is a significant and intimidating chunk of scaly muscle that is intelligent enough to do what it is told. Like, you know, hey, bite this necklace.
So I mean by like his fourth year it’s going to be pretty hard to hide this snake that is nearly as long as he is tall and it’s not going to do much for his reputation that the Boy Who Lived has a pet fucking basilisk but holy damn does it make book seven a whole hell of a lot shorter.
I feel like I should write this
can you just imagine him ron and hermione coming up with increasingly ridiculous excuses trying to hide their pet baby basilisk in the dorms (hagrid would be so proud). how long do you think it’d take before harry’s pet basilisk is just a really badly hidden secret between all of gryffindor? and the ensuring antics of the entire house as they try to keep mcgonagall from finding out? (she knows something is up, but even just thinking of what could be big enough the entire house is trying to keep it from her makes her want to break out the firewhiskey)
ron gets the idea to try and practices parseltongue with baby basilisk since he hears harry talking in his sleep with it all the time anyway (and ngl, baby basilisk is kind of adorable and eats all the spiders in the dorm so he doesn’t have to deal with them, he’s pretty smitten once she hatches), and as soon as hermione overhears him trying it, she’s dragging him and harry to the library because, well, parseltongue is a language, why can’t they learn it? so it’s the two of them alternating between hissing at harry and hissing at the basilisk and harry is trying so hard not to laugh because 90% of what they’re saying is utter nonsense and the basilisk doesn’t even bother, because she likes these two humans but wow are they dumb, that’s not how words work.
im still so mad tho im mad about rizzles about swan queen about bering and wells about so many non-canon wlw ships because even tho we are starting to see more queer representation we still dont get slow burn relationships we get a few episode arc and then they hook up we dont get castle and beckett or booth and bones we dont get two characters finding a deep love over time we never get this we just get instant girlfriends or long term queerbaiting and im fucking sick of it im not satisfied with most canon wlw couples because they dont often get epic falling-in-love stories and i want that romantic shit
Everyone is mentioning different ships saying “this has all of that!” and they really don’t. Two or three episode angst isn’t a slow burn, really I don’t even call it a slow burn if they’re together by the end of the first season, but that’s all we ever get in these ships. Everyone claims it’s going to be a great slowburn and yet by two episodes in they’re always announcing their love for each other. Give me three to five seasons of “will they, won’t they” angsty looks, actual tension between them that grow with each season. Let them grow as friends first before introducing actual romance between them.
b99 au: everything is exactly the same except stephanie beatriz plays charles and joe lo truglio plays rosa
episode idea: jake gets knocked out and has some vivid dream and we get to see this for every other character. charles and rosa switch. gina is played by andre braugher. hitchcock is a responsible captain and amy is hanging with scully. the part of Amy is now played by Terry and hes flirting with Jake.
Consider: Jake Peralta and Foggy Nelson having an immediate on sight “IT’S FUCKING *THAT GUY*” reaction when they happen to meet in a courtroom.
Consider: That one time Steve Roger’s brought in a guy he caught mugging some tourists and Amy almost sucked the air out of the entire building while she flipped.
Consider: Rosa really wants to bust a real vigilante but all she’s ever got is some little highschool kid in this handmade red and blue thing. It wasn’t even satisfying. >:c
Consider: Gina has Tony Starks personal number in her phone with the programmed ringtone “Stupid Hoe”. No one can figure out why and honestly, no one really wants to know.
Consider: There’s a new guy at Terry’s gym named Luke. He seems nice, but man its a miracle that he didnt break his foot after those weights fell on him.
Consider: Nick Fury coming into the station to retrieve Clint after he was arrested for fighting with the track-suit gangsters. He and Captain Holt stare at each other in silence for five minutes, and then Holt tells Jake to let Clint go.
okay. I need this as fanfiction or comic immediately.
Listen, y’all, I am weak and every piece of media I consume is up to be au-ified.
If you haven’t watched Trollhunters (I don’t blame you, I only did because I’m still off of work for injury) anything beyond the basic set up will be after a cut.
So, Trollhunters is the story of this kid, Jim Lake, Jr
The thing he’s holding in his hand is the amulet of Merlin, which chose him to be the new Trollhunter after the previous one died. It gives him that armor and sword and does some really cool shit.
The mission of the Trollhunter? To protect the good trolls from the bad ones and keep the humans from learning about trolls and keep this one troll who is, like, the bad of bads, the king of the bad trolls locked up.
Jim is the first human Trollhunter.
In the au, Lucy is Jim.
Lucy finds the amulet on the way to school one day with best friend, Maggie.
They’re both sort of on the outskirts of the school. Lucy only moved to Midvale that year, when her father got stationed to a nearby base. Maggie moved there the year before to live with her aunt. Their houses are maybe a block apart, and both spent much of Lucy’s first summer there in the library. By the time school started, they were best friends and it was ‘too late’ for the other kids to ‘warn’ Lucy about what they had learned about Maggie through Facebook stalking.
(not that Lucy didn’t know, they both came out to each other that summer)
So, Lucy finds the amulet on the way to school. Or, well, it calls out to her and she stops to investigate, to Maggie’s annoyance. Lucy puts it in her bag and the two finally get to school (late)
At school, Alex is one of the more popular girls. The teachers all love her. She seems to have a solid group of friends, and is a leader on the debate team. She doesn’t seem to even know who Maggie and Lucy are, but, impressed with Lucy during a classroom debate, invites her to join.
Lucy can’t help but say yes.
(Lucy and Maggie both have a crush on her and they both tease each other for their crush on her)
(Alex, of course, has a crush on them as well, but doesn’t know what to do about it)
After school that day, Lucy is approached by two trolls, J’onn and M’gann, and taken to Hearthstone Trollmarket.
Question of Smoke 