An app that shows you where there’s a young man in possession of a good fortune who must be in want of a wife
On the radar:
Gentleman with 5,000 pounds a year Handsome tragic veteran Dashing officer of good breeding Gentleman with 10,000 pounds a year Liberal-minded heir to a large estate
Your phone buzzes:
Mr. Collins
Your mother runs into the room “the lure I placed on netherfield park has worked at last. There is a young man in possession of good fortune, one of the girls must surely catch him”
demon: *sits there drawing up a long contract for a lawyer’s human soul, working out the loopholes because lawyers are sneaky* angel: i think that dude is on lsd lmao i’m gonna go talk to him in my true form demon: don’t you have burning wings and a thousand eyes or something angel: haha ye deom: *long sigh*
I want one of those scenes in a dude bro film where “tomboy” chick has to wear a dress to go undercover or whatever, but instead of the guys drooling as she walks down the stairs, they’re like “k. U need to stop. Go put the cargo pants back on. You look super uncomfortable and awkward in that. Brutus, you go be the fake prostitute.”
I’m just imagining this super ripped guy called Brutus being like ‘YESSS!!! I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO BE THE FAKE PROSTITUTE!! Now is my time to shine!!’
I woke up this morning and decided that when pokemon go gets some updates and trainer v trainer battles are implemented, I’m going to start my life anew as a team rocket grunt. I’ll get the outfit together and a good team with koffing and ekans- and go out to meetups so I can lose to children everywhere.
I’ll have phrases ready too. “I can’t believe it- a kid BESTED ME?” “Aw boss is gonna let me have it after this!” “You have such a strong bond with your pokemon- is that why you won? Hmph.”
there is literally so much positivity in the tags of this post i’m gonna cry– yall are so sweet
This is such a wonderful idea!! Petition for teams of people everywhere to be team rocket grunts and be nice to children !!
okay but neville longbottom as head of gryffindor house and there’s all these stories of him going head to head with an army of werewolves, being tortured by death eaters and killing Voldemort’s snake with godric gryffindor’s actual sword but when the students see him he’s like cradling a pot plant and crying cause he saw someone lost their pet on the noticeboard and they’re like “that guy? are you sure it’s that guy”
BONUS: one of the older student’s get dared to go up and ask him if it’s true and neville just makes direct eye-contact and says “voldemort was a punk bitch” and continues knitting a lil baby sweater for a mandrake
Question of Smoke 