gooood points – Question of Smoke

enchntedapril:

chrmdpoet:

swashbucklery:

Hey pals. Apparently this is a thing that we, as an internet femslash community, need, so it is time for Grouchy Aunt J’s Guide To Fandom Deportment.

1. I know that you really like your favourite actors, especially the ones involved in your fave wlw ships. I totally understand this! They are pretty, and wlw fandom is really fun, and if your ship is also a canon ship then it is super exciting and validating to see yourself reflected in media that you love. I, too, love that feeling and get really passionate about the media that I watch, which is why I am a Fandom Old.

2. The actors in your favourite ships are people. Like, real people, with anxieties and food preferences and sometimes they have weird hair days and some of them are introverted and some of them are extroverted, etc etc etc. When they are acting in your favourite media, they are going to work.

3. Part of an actor’s job these days is to sometimes be around on social media. Sometimes not! If they are kind/friendly/available on social media, that is a fun perk of someone who is going the extra mile for their job. You are not entitled to this.

4. Even if you super like a ship and are really passionate about fandom, there are things it is not alright to do. Actors are people, and when fans start treating them poorly it is unkind and potentially frightening or traumatic. Plus, your behaviour reflects badly on all fans and means that fandom as a whole doesn’t get to have nice things anymore. (Thanks, jerks.)

5. It is never okay to:

harass actors on social media because something about their character is interfering with your ship/they’re not supporting your ship enough/they’re supporting the wrong ship too much/their character is problematic/the ship you think their ship is better than is problematic/just whatever please stop it this is not their problem. Tweeting at them will not fix whatever is upsetting you on the show you like, but it is probably pretty hurtful for them and not something they should have to put up with.

harass/question actors who are involved in queer ships about their sexuality in public spaces. People’s sexuality is private, and being involved in portraying a queer canon or subtext ship doesn’t give fans the right to know about an actor’s queerness or lack thereof unless they choose to volunteer that.

tell actors on social media about any sexual fantasies you may or may not have about them, b/c sexual consent also applies to actors.

send actors unsolicited links to/hand bound novellas/lovingly hand-lettered scrolls of fanfiction, especially smutty fanfiction, especially especially if that author is not aware that their fic is getting sent to actors inappropriately.

send actors your nsfw fanart about them, or someone else’s nsfw fanart about them, oh my g o d.

ask them to read your fanfiction or autograph your fanfiction, damn.

5a. A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself: would I, or another a reasonable person, want to see this [insert fanwork of varying levels of nsfw] about a representation of myself/themselves? Most actors are actual people who find this just as upsetting as you might find it, if someone drew fanart of you and then brought it to your workplace.

5b. Yes, I know, there is a certain amount of distance involved in creating fanworks because they are about fictional characters and that storytelling and play is one of the things I love about fandom. But I also never, under any circumstances, would want any of the actors involved in my ships to read my fanfiction because it would be super uncomfortable and that’s the point.

6. Also, your favourite actor’s non-actor family and friends are just that: not actors. Don’t bother them. Don’t – hypothetically – stalk them and try to catfish them to get information about your favourite actor. It’s super super not okay and it’s a huge boundary violation.

In conclusion: social media is super great and has changed fandom in a lot of neat ways, but having cool TV and movie actors available to connect with in that way is a privilege, not a right. Let’s all act like we are worthy of it.

This applies to all idols/celebrities. Learn to separate reality from fiction, and if you cannot do this, then there may be a larger, more disturbing issue at play that you may need to seek professional assistance with. Obsession isn’t cute, and neither is an inability to distinguish between what is real and what is not. It’s a problem, and it can be very dangerous. If you find you are experiencing these things, especially to a degree that you can’t properly sleep, eat, or apply attention elsewhere, to a degree in which you are having vivid fantasies that you cannot separate from reality, then that is a red flag and an issue you should apply some concern to and perhaps seek a professional opinion about.

Social media interaction with celebrities has blurred some lines that ought not to be blurred, and so people are frequently engaging in what I would call obsessive or stalker behavior without realizing that it is approaching or overtly on that level, and that is dangerous and terrifying.

Stop making celebrities uncomfortable and uneasy, or even, afraid. Don’t pry. Don’t violate their basic human right to privacy (and no, their decision to be a public figure does NOT mean they have sacrificed that right; it does mean that there will be more of a public light shone on their lives, but it does not entitle ANYONE to ANY private/personal information about them, especially not about their sex lives, sexual orientations, gender identities, or relationships). Stop addressing celebrities in overly and uncomfortably familiar manners, as in calling them “baby”, “babe”, etc. in your tweets and fan mail. Tweeting in this manner is like the social media equivalent of catcalling. You’re a random stranger shouting across the virtual street, “You’re so beautiful, baby!” It’s not sweet. It’s creepy and unsettling, especially when there are hundreds or even thousands of people doing it every day, and even more especially when a singular person is doing it over and over to an obsessive degree in the hopes of receiving a like or a reply or simply being seen. You can compliment someone without crossing a line. Don’t make demands of them. Don’t threaten them. Just stop. That isn’t love. It’s harassment and abuse, and it isn’t okay.

These behaviors can escalate rapidly, and they can have catastrophic consequences. Celebrities have literally been killed (recently) by people with unchecked, unhealthy levels of obsession. What you might think is harmless could easily end in tragedy. So, please, treat celebrities like they are people, because they are. They are not fictional characters. You can’t twist them into what you want them to be. You can’t smother them. You can’t dig into their histories and their bodies and their minds. Those things do not belong to you. These are living, breathing human beings, not property, and you do not know them. They are strangers to you, no matter how many of their shows/movies you’ve seen or how many times you’ve read their IMDb and wiki bios, and you are strangers to them. Think how you would feel if a stranger started calling/texting/messaging you obsessively, calling you things like “baby”, knowing everything about you like where you live, who you hang out with, all the names and ages of your family members and friends, where you are on any given day, calling/texting/messaging your family members and friends about you, sending you overtly sexual drawings they’ve done of you, sending you overtly sexual stories they’ve written about you, and all the while, you have no idea who this person is. You don’t know their name, age, what they look like, where they are, or what they’re capable of. That’s terrifying. It’s also called stalking, and if it were happening to you or to another private citizen in your life, you would call it that too. Please stop.

Check yourself and your behavior. Be respectful of boundaries. Be respectful of these people. Be respectful.

A thousand times this. Good grief. Maybe I’m just old, but it makes me super uncomfortable to see how many people try to personally interact with actors on a deeper than superficial level. I’ve seen this particularly with Chyler’s Twitter account. She seems to be totally accepting and a real sweetheart (and she herself is older, so maybe it’s a motherly thing and she doesn’t mind) but people sending her their life stories may seem supportive and validating of her as an actress, but it also puts a TON of pressure on her. I would hate her to feel that she has to be this super accessible, perfect lesbian icon or all these people in fandom are going to be depressed/suicidal/self-harming. Eeesh. An actress is not your shrink. Tell her that her performances and supportive attitude make a difference in your life, but don’t go writing detailed autobiographies no matter how sweetly she may have replied to others.