Modern fantasy creatures and people being exposed to new lifestyles and developing dreams and goals that don’t fit with their species or their culture in the slightest.
A dwarf who was born in a mine, grew up in a mine, and can count the number of times they’ve been surface-side on both hands. One of these times, they witnessed an airshow. They go home and tell their parents: “Mom, Dad, I want to be a pilot.” “What’s a pilot?” “We’ll, y’see…” And a brief explanation later… “YOU WANT TO DO WHAT? WHERE DID WE GO WRONG? DAMN IT, ROK, I TOLD YOU THAT THE SUN WOULD GO TO HIS HEAD. NOW HE THINKS HE CAN FUCKING FLY, THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!
An elf who has a deep interest in geology and underground exploration signs up for a dwarven digging mission. Shows up first day all long limbs and being seven feet tall, and has to become a 90 degree angle to get through the door. “Hey guys! Who’s ready to look at some rocks? Am I right? Well, it’s a tight fit, but I bet I can do it if I squeeze. Ooh, I know some great digging songs by the way.” The dwarves immediately try to find a way to fire the elf without being sued for racial discrimination. “I told you we should have been more careful about the ad.” “I put in it Gold and Gems Monthly, Brek, how was I to know elves read that kind of thing?” “OHMIGOSH, GUYS COME SEE WHAT I FOUND!” “Your turn, Nik.” “I swear to God, if it’s another goddamn stalagmite again…”
A centaur whose herd migrates to a coast area and sees the ocean for the first time. “Greyhoof, I’m going to be a fisherman.” “What?” “I’m going to sail the seven seas; I want to be a sailor.” “Blackmane, you’re half horse, you can’t sail.” “I can learn.” “You can’t climb their weird ropes things. What would you even do on the ocean?” “It’s called rigging and I’d be a fisherman, obviously, like I told you.” “YOU’RE A CENTAUR, YOU CAN’T SAIL!” “YOU DON’T KNOW THAT. DON’T TRY AND DESTROY MY DREAMS, GREYHOOF, I CAN DO ANYTHING I SET MY MIND TO. I BELIEVE IN ME.”
A mermaid who gets really interested in those land mountains that touch the clouds and meets an extreme mountain-climber on the beach, then decides they’ve found their calling. “I’m going to be the first mermaid to climb Mount Everest.” “What? Bluefins, that’s ridiculous.” “No, no, I’m gonna do it.” “You can’t breathe air.” “I’ll bring a tank of water, like what the humans do with air when they dive.” “YOU DON’T HAVE LEGS.” “I know, that’s what’ll make me the first mermaid to do it. I’m going to have to work around that, but” “FOR FUCK’S SAKE, BLUEFINS. WE’RE TROPICAL.” “No, see, there are these human things called coats. I’ve got it all figured out. Look, I drew plans.” “WITH WHAT?”
This speaks to me today.
I both fear for Bluefins and strongly encourage her tenacity
you know what’s always bugged me? when a character is faced with some magical two headed being or some shit and one always lies while the other tells the truth and to figure out which is which the character’s like “which one of you is the liar” or something like bruh literally all you gotta do is be like “what’s two plus two” one of them’s gonna say four and the other one is gonna say 83 or some shit. there you go. answered. go on with your magical quest to defeat david bowie.
this has forty notes. that’s forty more notes than expected.
THIS IS A VERY GOOD POINT and deserves more notes
LISTEN i don’t normally engage in Discourse but this information is DANGEROUSLY MISLEADING!
the point of the riddle isn’t to figure out which one is lying, in fact, knowing which one lies and which one tells the truth is irrelevant. What you want is the correct answer from the magical beast/two guards/etc. Usually this means knowing which path to take. For that, you HAVE to ask it “if i ask the other head/guard/etc which is the safe way to go, what will they tell me?”
if you asked the truth-telling one, they’ll tell you the wrong way, because the liar will always mislead you. if you ask the liar, they’ll tell you the wrong way, because they’re misleading you, so
ALWAYS do the opposite of whatever answer you get.
“who cares this is a stupid tumblr post this doesn’t matter irl–”
WRONG AGAIN! story time:
A few years ago a friend threw a halloween party, and since he dressed as the Riddler, he decided to have a riddle contest.
now, i’ve been preparing for a riddle contest my entire life, since i first read the hobbit and it got bilbo out of trouble. for some reason, i assumed riddle contests were as inevitable as quicksand.
I answered the first riddle easily (it was one of the ones from the hobbit) and then i had to answer the next one to win a bottle of top-shelf rum. it was a variation on the two-guard riddle, only i had to choose one of two paper bags. one had crappy cheap vodka, the other the nice rum.
the host and his friend did the classic one lies one tells the truth thing, and of course before i asked everyone started shouting “ask him what color your hair is!” and stuff like that, but i already knew what to ask, so i shushed them and won the rum
remember, kids, it doesn’t matter which one is lying and which one is telling the truth. all that matters is you get the correct knowledge to move you forward, win your rum, and make you seem like a superhuman riddle-solver to a crowd of drunken party guests.
always be ready for a riddle contest
Here’s a thing that usually doesn’t come up when people try to criticise this riddle as well. One of the conditions of the riddle is typically that you only get to ask one question. You arrive at the liar and the truth teller and you need to find out which bridge is safe and which one will collapse when you’re halfway across.
They tell you that one of them always lies and that one of them always tells the truth. And they tell you you can ask them one question.
If you ask “What’s two plus two?” than great. You know which one lies but you also still don’t know which bridge you can cross and can’t find out.
You played yourself.
i can get the answer in zero questions. block all the other exits, light them on fire, and see which way they run.
^ Look at Alexander the Great up here, cutting the knot and all.
girl culture is turning around every few feet when you’re walking alone to see if someone’s following u
Learn to peep through the corner of your eye so you’re not quite so obvious when you turn.
Putting in your earphones so hopefully no random men try to talk to/harass you but not actually playing music so you can listen for footsteps/other suspicious noises behind you.
feeling like someone is following you and subtly shifting whatever object you’re holding into a better grip so you can use it as a bludgeon if the person behind you tries anything
Being fucking terrified when street lamps give you more than one shadow
just girly things~🌟
Ok, buckle up for some advice from your local redhead who grew up in a collection of iffy neighborhoods.
Square. The Frick. Up.
No one to fight? No one near? Square Up.
Leaving work late? Going out on public transit? Square Up.
Don’t know how to fight? Terrified? Square Up.
Square Up doesn’t mean fists up and ready to punch in this case it just means shoulders back chin up and walk like you might be late for an argument.
The deal with the threats we face is that it’s classic predator/prey dynamics. Preds look for prey, not other preds. Walk like a predator not prey. Sometimes that doesn’t work. Sometimes that one pred doesn’t get the idea.
Sucks to be them. Cuz they’re not getting out of this without a serious slice of humble pie. Be it a simple comment or getting their skin cells under your fingernails, that’s up to them. Don’t talk more than absolutely necessary, keep it short and powerful. “I don’t have time” seems to work best for me bc it’s urgent, true, and usually not insulting enough to feel like a challenge. Stay visible, never hide.
You’ve been grabbed? Grab. Them. Back. Your hand over their wrist, nails digging into the softest skin possible. Take the power, take the situation, it’s yours. You grab that wrist and lean back, pivot on your feet, turn and use both your strength and body weight to swing them off of you. Yell. “Do not touch me!” They’ll usually become less interested after this point, you’re putting up too much of a fight, you’re ‘a psycho bitch’. Damn right you are you gorgeous beast.
If they don’t give up on you, God forbid, they attack? Go for broke. Hit the soft parts, throat and genitals are the best. Men: grab a handful of the Twins and squeeze as hard as you can while pulling and twisting. Women: same deal up top, tiddies are sensitive as we’re just as prone to crotch-shots as men. Can’t do that? Bite and Scratch. Get their evidence on you and yours on them. Nothing is more incriminating than a human bite mark. Be the reason they need to go to a hospital.
Yell and scream as much as possible, I don’t care what just scream.
No direct threat? Just the ol anxiety playing up? Trust your gut, the one time you don’t will be the one time you wish you did.
Contrary to popular belief, you can call emergency services. Tell the operator “I’m walking home and feel unsafe” and they’ll stay on the line with you, might even send a nearby squad car to give you a lift home. Don’t feel safe calling the police? Call or text your closest relationship. Talk to them the whole way back, text them every five minutes like clockwork.
All these things are two pronged: address the immediate threat and aid investigators in the future should the worst occur. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Have a well meaning but maybe dense friend? Ask them to walk with you, they may not have known you were scared.
Most people are great, they’ll help you even if you’re a frazzled thing pounding on their front door past midnight bc the shadows aren’t trustworthy. Go for the house with the nicest garden, I’ve never met a mean green thumb they’re always the loveliest.
When you yell make sure you yell as loud as you can in a deep voice phrases like “No!” and “Don’t touch me!” and “I don’t want to go with you!” because then any eye witnesses in the area will tell the cops that they were handling you against your will.
Not all love is gentle. Sometimes it’s gritty and dirty and possessive, sometimes it’s not supposed to be careful or soft at all. Sometimes it feels like teeth.
The part of this I don’t like is “they will most likely move on to an easier target.” Like I’m supposed to feel fine about someone else with a less sturdy door getting ripped off?
Change your neighbor’s screws too
Channel your inner dad
Chage everyone’s screws
Mythbusters did this but not exactly on purpose, they put together a door to test how to kick it down and didn’t have the right sized screws so they used the longer ones and even Jamie running at speed had trouble breaking the door with the longer screws
Not only will longer screws keep you safer, they also prevent your door from sagging over time, which leads to scraping or your door not closing properly.
this is the purest video you will see all day, it includes not only practical advice on how to make cats feel comfortable but also:
the most patient and long suffering clawdia
bob ross, but a vet
squish the cat
squish the cat, but with a towel
absolute unit mr. pirate
a little chubby but quite beautiful
please watch this immediately
Squish! That! Cat!
I considered myself to be well versed on cats/communicating with cats. I’ve lived with at least two cats my whole life, and currently live with two very different cats who I love. Apparently most cats are shoulder cats? My cat Mason has always been very nervous about going up on people’s shoulders, so I thought I’d try the “shoulder cat” technique.
I had to help him up on my shoulders because he’s never done it himself before. But once I got him up there I squished him, he started purring like nobody’s business. I carried him around our entire apartment, up and down staircases, and he was so happy. He didn’t try to leave once! When I put him down he head butted me and meowed and was super affectionate. And of course I gave him a treat.
TLDR- Even if you live with cats and think you understand cats, please watch this video.
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