@civilorange YOU ARE THE WORST PERSON I CAN’T FUCKING BELIEVE THAT YOUR 26 YEAR OLD ASS WHO HAS BEEN WITH YOUR WIFE SINCE YOU WERE 16 AND KNEW HER SINCE SECOND GRADE DID NOT TELL YOUR POOR MOM OR YOUR WIFE’S PARENTS YOU WERE MARRIED. AND YOU LIVE IN THE SAME TOWN
and i thought I WAS BAD AT PROCRASTINATING. YOU PROCRASTINATED SO MUCH YOU DIDN’T KNOW HOW TO SAY YOU GOT M A R R I E D
@randomthingsthatilike123 Listen. Listen. Sometimes you just forget to say little details of your life to your parents.
Wanna make the story better? B only told her mom, apparently—I just
learned this based on their burner phone conversation tonight I was invited
into—because her father was yelling at his HOA on the phone half-way through
the conversation. And then her mom was like, “I’ll tell him,” because we know
she just wants to gossip without us, and that’s fine. But, like, we asked her
tonight, and she’s like “I don’t know how to tell him.” And we’re like, “fucking
see?! S’not easy, right? S’weird.”
And she just goes, deadpan as fuck, “it won’t take me three
years.”
And I was just like, “touché mama B.”
And somehow she’s gotten us to promise two grandchildren?
@civilorange was one of my favorite writers before this. Now they’re just straight up one of my favorite people and I don’t even know them.
i just showed this to my mother, “see? i’m someone’s favorite person.”
and she said, “well, in that case, they’re your mother now.”
my mother brought this up when my great-uncle was in town; “oh, did you know mickey’s married?” like, my guy, not cool. not in front of my salad.
though; for someone born in, like, the summer of 1604, he was very progressive – i mean, he knew we were together, but as long as i went golfing with him he’s fine with ‘the gays”. he acts like we all know each other, and we like get together to coordinate our outfits and general debauchery.
of course I remember this and omg make him get u a wedding present. ask for taco bell gift cards u love taco bemm
Question of Smoke 