lena-in-a-red-dress:

Okay, okay, hear me out…

The first Jurassic World, but instead of the awkward hetero storyline and a dead Zara, the film diverges when Zara finds the boys just a little bit sooner, grabs them by the ears and drags them to a secure service corridor. She tells them exactly what they need to do to survive and get back to their parents (“shut the fuck up and do as I say”) and what not to do (“if you run away from me again so help me god I will leave the both of you here and you can find your own way off an island full of escaped dinosaurs”).

It is very firmly established that her primary motivation for staying alive is that she is GETTING MARRIED, and not even a horde of prehistoric monsters can stop her from getting to that goddamned altar. She has paid for the venue and the flowers and the cake has been commissioned by the best pastry chef in the country– she has guests flying in from a dozen countries, including her asshole father who has never left his hometown in his whole life, let alone crossed an ocean, so SHE WILL BE THERE NO MATTER WHAT.

And the kids and the audience assumes that it’s just the typical bride-zilla bullshit of having a fairytale wedding come true and be perfect, but you know what? It works. She and the kids survive.

Meanwhile, the film cuts to scenes of the military trying to scramble a response team. The coast guard will help survivors, but there’s also the question of what to do with the dinosaurs, and they are just itching to nuke the place from orbit, even before they get confirmation that the island has fully evacuated. But there’s a female officer who argues strongly against it, and being the only woman in the room, they and the audience dismiss her as the bleeding heart who can’t see the Bigger Picture. But she pushes for more evacuation teams rather than a strike, and eventually gets it after she offers to lead it herself. But it comes with a time limit and she has X number of hours to get as many people as she can off the island before they take drastic measures. Her strike team ends up being instrumental in protecting the fleeing park guests as they file onto the rescue boats, even if the people still in the interior (Zara, kids, annoying boss and her rando crush on the raptor wrangler) don’t even know they’re there.

But everyone gets off the island, and by the time they’re in the refugee center, the kids are fucking glued to Zara’s side because whatever her motivations, she’s a fucking badass with good instincts who stayed calm under intense pressure and knew the park layout better than the park director herself, and now in their traumatized brains Zara=safety. And then the Bleeding Heart shows up in full uniform, calling Zara’s name.

“ZARA!”

Zara and the kids and everyone in the vicinity all perk up, and Zara’s eyes go wide. “Fiona??”

They lock eyes, and start sprinting towards each other, and collide in a jumble of arms, and smiles and tears. The others stare in shock, and it takes a moment, but when Fiona and Zara share a passionate kiss, they realize that Fiona is Zara’s fiancee, and suddenly it all makes sense.

Only a lesbian who only just won the right to marry (and no guarantee she gets to KEEP that right) would be ‘survive the dinosaur apocalypse’ levels of determined to have a wedding.