“I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.” + Alex/Lucy

fiddleabout:

Alex Danvers is avoiding her.

Lucy stalks past a collection of terrified new recruits, shoving past the training officer and stomping her way down towards the training room.  There’s no Alex there, just as there’d been no Alex in her lab, or her office, or command, or satcomm, or the weaponry, or the kryptonite training room, or J’onn’s office, or the locker room.  Alex’s badge hasn’t logged out of the building yet, so she’s somewhere in the DEO. Lucy just has to find her.

“Kara!” Lucy yells towards the ceiling, arms folded over her chest and foot tapping on the floor as the seconds click by until Kara whooshes into the room, cape swirling around her and the whole floor shaking when she lands.

“What’s going on?  What is it?”

“Where,” Lucy says calmly.  “Is your goddamned sister?”

“Alex?” Kara’s nose wrinkles.  “You yelled at me because you need Alex?”

“Kara,” Lucy snaps.  “Where the hell is she?”

“Server room, I think?”  Kara shrugs.  “Can I go?  I’m helping J’onn with–”

Lucy’s already out of the room, marching to the server room.  It’s three floors down and she stomps every single step of the way.  It’s been nearly a week since she saw Alex.  A week since the last time they spoke.  A week since they had a few drinks– not too many, for once, just a few, a reasonable amount that would definitely not have impaired any of Alex’s cognition– and Lucy kissed Alex.  A week since Lucy said I’ve wanted to do that for a long time and Alex kissed her back and they went back to Lucy’s apartment.  A week since Lucy woke up alone, just early enough to feel the warm spot Alex had left in her bed and hear the quick snick of her front door closing.

The server room is freezing as always, and Lucy stalks through the cold air until she rounds a corner and nearly collides with Alex.

“You!” she says, pointing ludicrously and dramatically at Alex.

“What the–” Alex barely catches the laptop that she dropped when Lucy materialized at her side.  “What the hell?”

“That’s my line!” Lucy half-yells.  “You’ve been avoiding me for a week and what the hell, Alex!”

“I’m not avoiding–”

“Nuh uh,” Lucy snaps.  “Nice try.  You bailed on girls’ nights drinks with me and Kara and Lena. You never miss that.  You didn’t even miss that when you got blown up and were dying.”

“I was never dying,” Alex says mildly.  

“Point is, Danvers,” Lucy says, stabbing a finger into Alex’s shoulder and shoving.  “We literally work side by side every day and I haven’t seen you in a week.  You’re avoiding me and I want to know why.”

“I’m not–” Alex starts, only to cut herself off with a sigh when Lucy glares at her again.  “I’m sorry.  I just– needed to deal with some stuff.”

“Some stuff at six AM on a Saturday morning when you ghosted me in my own apartment?”  Lucy can’t keep her voice steady, hurt welling up from the knot in her abdomen and pushing into her words.  She slumps against one of the server banks, hands hanging down at her sides.  

“I’m sorry,” Alex says softly.  “I didn’t mean to–”

“You walked out,” Lucy says.  “While I was asleep.  After I told you how much– how I felt.  What part of bailing after I told you how I felt about you didn’t you mean?”

Alex pushes at her hair, sucking in a sharp breath and pacing six steps down the row of servers and then back.  

“I needed to sort some things out,” she says, finally, slowly.  “And I couldn’t do that in your bed.”

“What could you possibly have needed to think about so analytically at the asscrack of dawn on a Saturday that you couldn’t do–”

“You,” Alex says, cutting her off quietly.  “I had to– because it’s you, Luce. Because I think I’m in love with you and I’m terrified.”

Lucy’s legs give out momentarily and she slides halfway down the server behind her, barely catching herself before she falls all the way down because Alex Danvers just said that she was in love with her.  She gives up and lets herself slide the rest of the way down to sit on the floor, thunking heavily down onto the cold concrete.

“What?”  That can’t be her voice, wobbly and weak as it is, but Alex sits down carefully in front of her, legs crossed and hands wound together in front of her.

“I’ve been thinking about it for a long time,” Alex says carefully.  “And last weekend was– it was a lot, it was everything, but we hadn’t talked about it at all and I couldn’t think straight about anything when you were right there next to me.  I can’t think around you, not really, so I had to remove you from the equation until I sorted things out.”

“Remove me from the equation,” Lucy echoes.  “So you could sort things out.  And this is what you came up with?  Dropping that on me in the server room with no warning?”

“To be fair, you found me down here and yelled at me,” Alex points out.  “I was just down here running some diagnostics for Winn and you came after me.”

“You were avoiding me,” Lucy says faintly.  

“And I’d planned to talk to you after work today,” Alex says.  “About– this.  About how I felt.  I just didn’t want to do it at work, is all.”

“Right,” Lucy says.  She shakes her head and blinks rapidly, forcing her mind to center itself.  “Are you serious about all of this?”

“Yeah,” Alex says.  The skin over her knuckles goes red and then pale as she grips at her own hands tightly, and Lucy stares down at it for long seconds.

“We should go on a date,” she says suddenly, blinking owlishly.  “Tonight.”

“We should?” Alex says.  “A date?”

“Yes.”  Lucy nods once, short and sharp.  “A date.”

“Because you–”

“Want to go on a date with you,” Lucy finishes for her.  “Tonight.  And then we’re going back to my place and you’re not leaving until at least after we’ve had breakfast.”

The sharp lines of tension visible in Alex’s shoulders disappear and she smiles, relieved and tired and bright, and Lucy’s stomach turns over on itself again because she’s going on a date with Alex Danvers.

“I have to go,” she says abruptly, scrambling up to her feet.  She’s still in the tactical gear she wore for munitions training this morning, and she’s been procrastinating for months on getting a haircut, and she only has four hours until they’re going to go on a date.  

“Bye?” Alex says, still sitting bewildered on the floor even when Lucy’s halfway to the door.  Lucy spins on her heel and speedwalks back over, grabbing at Alex’s hands and yanking her up to standing so she can kiss her, short and entirely inappropriate, before half-jogging out of the server room.